Silent Tears
by Lopithecus
Summary: Spoilers for up to Chapter 672 but nothing beyond that. When Gai dies in the Fourth Shinobi War, Kakashi has a hard time dealing with it. Flashbacks with Gai in them along with present time Kakashi. Warning: Major character death.


**Silent Tears**

**A/N: There are multiple flashbacks set in different times of Kakashi and Gai's life. In the beginning Kakashi/Gai is already an established pair but one flashback shows the beginning of the romantic relationship they form.**

**Warnings: Spoilers up to chapter 672 but nothing beyond that. Major character death.**

**I would like to thank **_**Icy Sapphire15**_** for beta reading this. Any mistakes are mine.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto [Shippuden] or its characters. All belong to their rightful owner.**

**This is my very first Naruto fanfiction so I hope you all like it.**

After the Fourth Shinobi war, it takes four full days to gather all the bodies, identify them to figure out which village they belong to, and then transport all of them to their respective village. For Konoha, it takes another two days for them to bury their dead and hold a funeral for all the poor shinobi that were unlucky enough not to make it home alive. It only takes one day to carve all the names on the memorial stone.

Kakashi skips the funeral service, opting to stay in bed and rest his body and Sharingan. Besides, he would rather not think about all that Konoha has lost, especially a certain green clad ninja. Kakashi buries his face in the pillow, trying to forget everything.

He doesn't know how, but some way or another he ends up at the memorial the day after the funeral. Kakashi didn't want to visit the stone so soon after the war, especially knowing it'll be filled with more names, but he supposes old habits die hard. However, he's not visiting Obito — the Obito he used to know before finding out the truth in the war — or Rin, or Minato-sensei. No, this time around he is visiting someone he thought he wouldn't need to visit. This time he is visiting none other than Gai, the one person who was always there the longest; the one who never died — or turned evil — on him. He was always there; when Obito died, or so people thought, when Kakashi killed Rin, and even when Minato-sensei died because of the Kyuubi. He was there for all of it. Yet he's not here for this because it is him that Kakashi mourns. He hates that word, mourn, because it sounds too final, as if everyone is supposed to just accept the fact that someone they cared deeply about just died and is no longer around. How is Kakashi expected to accept this unfortunate turn in events again? Hasn't it been enough to lose his whole team including his sensei way back in the day?

Kakashi supposes that's war for you. That he went into the fighting expecting for his comrades to die, maybe even die himself. He should have went in with the mindset that Gai could die too but he foolishly pushed the thought down and instead selfishly took for granted that Gai would always be there for him, would always be around. After going through so much fighting in his life time, how stupid could he get?

"_Kakashi, my rival, how are you this fine youthful morning?" Kakashi almost slams the door in his overly energetic 'rival's' face but then decides it'll just mean Gai will bother him later about whatever possessed his friend to stop by at six in the morning._

_Kakashi yawns under his mask and lets the man inside. "What do you want Gai?"_

_Said man goes and sits on Kakashi's couch like he's done so many times before. "Today I get to meet my first genin team. Did I tell you that I'll be teaching that dropout, Rock Lee?"_

"_A million times." Kakashi hands him a cup of tea._

"_Ooh, I'm so excited, Kakashi, it's like my insides are on fire with burning youth." Kakashi has to hold back an eye roll. "I'll also be teaching a Hyuuga, Neji was his name."_

_Kakashi by now has sat next to his more than chipper friend with his own tea and one of the Icha Icha books. "Well there's no surprise there, you are the best at taijutsu."_

"_Kakashi," Gai looks like he's in love. "You very rarely compliment my skills." He gives a toothy grin along with a thumb up. "The third member is TenTen. I'm still not sure what I'll have her specialize in yet, but I'm positive she'll be fantastic at it and the best around. Kakashi," Gai grabs the lapels of the silver haired man's shirt. "can you believe I'm going to be a sensei? I hope I can do it justice."_

_Kakashi holds back on saying 'no I can't believe it' and instead says, "I'm sure you'll do fine." In which he truly believes._

_Gai gives him another wide, toothy grin in response._

And he did do fine, teaching and caring for his students. Kakashi tries pushing the memory away for not wanting to think of that time and his smile. To distract himself, Kakashi looks over the names carved into the stone. His eye settles on Hyuuga Neji's newly etched memento. He briefly wonders how Gai would have coped after the war from losing one of his precious subordinates, but then realizes the man would have acted the way he always does in these types of situations. Gai would have celebrated all the accomplishments Neji had done until his death, pretending to be emotionally stronger than he was, and then take his frustrations out on the training grounds or giving himself some ridiculous challenge. Except this time around, instead of Gai being there for Kakashi, Kakashi would have been there for him, making sure he's not working himself ragged. He would be the one to dry the unshed — and rarely shed — tears.

_Gai plops down on Kakashi's couch with a loud and tired sigh — which is rare for the man — as he gratefully takes the coffee Kakashi offered him. For himself, Kakashi sits in the chair across from him. "What's wrong?" he dares to ask._

_Gai sighs heavily again. "It's Neji; he has this deep seated hatred towards the main Hyuuga family. I'm not really sure what to do about it. His cousin, Hinata, will be becoming a genin soon, and I'm afraid that'll have an effect on him, make him angrier. It could also make him more determined to train, or both. What if both Hyuugas come in contact with each other, then what?"_

"_If they start to fight, you stop them," Kakashi answers even though he knows the question was rhetorical._

_Gai looks away. "Yeah, you're right."_

"_My suggestion to you, Gai," Kakashi continues, "just let the Hyuuga boy train as hard as he wants for now and when the time is right — which you can only determine because you're the one training him — you explain to him that he can't keep holding this grudge against the main family and must move on." Gai doesn't say anything so Kakashi decides to change the topic. "What about Lee, how's he doing?"_

_Gai gives yet another deep sigh which was unexpected, especially on the subject of Rock Lee. "Lee is growing exponentially in taijutsu."_

_Kakashi finishes his coffee, pulls his mask back up — Gai has seen him without it many a time — and places his mug on the coffee table. He notices Gai has hardly touched his, indicating how much is on his mind. "Then what's wrong?"_

"_My precious Lee has this rivalry going on with Neji," Gai says._

_Kakashi gives a breathy chuckle. "Remind you of two people?" Gai looks at him confused. "Me and you." The other man hums in agreement. "Why aren't you encouraging this?"_

"_I am," Gai says quickly. "It just makes them difficult to work with."_

_This takes Kakashi by even more surprise. "And when has difficulty frustrated you?"_

"_I'm not frustrated, just…" He trails off and Kakashi begins to get confused. This isn't like Gai. "Maybe I am a little frustrated but not with the rivalry. It's trying to figure out how to get the three of them to work together, especially Lee and Neji."_

"_Isn't that always the problem at first with these genin teams?" Kakashi asks._

"_Yeah but don't you think they should be working together better by now?" Gai questions, voice laced with concern._

_Kakashi watches his friend and decides to encourage him since he's in such a weird mood. "Give it time Gai; I'm sure they'll come around soon." Gai sighs again. "Are you okay?"_

_Gai leans forward, setting his mug on the coffee table, and places his chin on the palm of his hands. "Yeah, it's just been a tiring week."_

_Kakashi studies him more and notices how uncharacteristically tired Gai looks. Kakashi begins to get worried. "Maybe you should go on a mission without your students. You've been going on a lot of low rank ones right? Maybe a B or A rank mission will do you good."_

_Gai ponders this for a long time, just staring at Kakashi. After awhile, he closes his eyes and lets out a breath. "Maybe you're right my rival," he says slowly. "Maybe taking a break from my adorable students would do me good. I'll go and see the Third Hokage tomorrow morning and offer up my services."_

"_Don't feel too bad about it Gai," Kakashi mentions it because he knows him. "I would need a break once in awhile too."_

"_Oh," Gai exclaims out of nowhere, knocking the coffee table with his foot by accident and causing the coffee still in Gai's mug to slosh around. "if I go on a higher rank mission, I'll miss you getting your genin."_

_Kakashi notices Gai cheering up gradually. "That'll only happen if they pass my test."_

_Gai looks quizzically at his friend and rival. "Don't you have Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke?" Kakashi nods. "You think you'll be able to handle that?"_

_The Sharingan user huffs. "I'm not going to allow personal feelings to get in the way if that is what you are asking."_

_Gai lifts both hands, palms facing Kakashi, and smiles. "No, no, that's not it, I know you too well to know you won't. I meant Sasuke's deep seated hatred towards Itachi Uchiha and Naruto having the Kyuubi sealed in him."_

"_I can handle it, plus, I have faith in the Fourth's sealing jutsu," Kakashi answers. "I can handle Sasuke as well. Once team work is established he'll form bonds and those bonds will be what steers him from the path of revenge."_

"_You hope." Kakashi looks up at that statement, seeing how serious Gai is. "It's not a guarantee."_

_Kakashi nods in agreement and then sighs. "I guess we both have prodigies with issues and wanting some form of revenge."_

_Gai hums again and then silence falls on them, both immersed in the thought of their own uniquely eyed student. Then Gai breaks the comfortable silence. "Who's your third student?"_

"_Haruno Sakura," Kakashi answers simply._

"_I've never heard of Haruno." Gai points out._

_Kakashi nods. "Her parents aren't ninja. It doesn't run in the family so she's the first."_

"_That's rare." Gai gets up then and stretches. "I better be on my way, thanks for the talk Kakashi." With that the taijutsu specialist leaves Kakashi's apartment with a wide grin and thumb up._

_Two weeks later, Gai returns home from the A rank mission he was sent on with renewed energy and spirit._

Kakashi shakes his head, ridding him of the memory. Right now he doesn't want to think about him. But he can't help it especially when he's at the memorial. Kakashi's eyes search for another name, one that doesn't involve Gai. He finds Obito like he's done a million times before except it's different this time.

In the end Obito still died a good person yet Kakashi can't help the bad taste in his mouth. All that time wasted coming to this memorial to mourn his teammate's death and feeling guilty about it. All that time believing Obito died because of him. All of that for nothing and for it to only come down to Obito still being alive and starting a war. If it weren't for Obito starting that war and collaborating with Uchiha Madara, then Gai wouldn't have had to open the eighth gate and sacrifice his life. He would still be alive, seeking Kakashi out in order to challenge him.

But even so, Kakashi knows it's ridiculous to blame it all on the war since Gai could have opened that gate on any number of missions.

_Kakashi is fuming by the time he gets home from the Konoha hospital. He's not even really sure why considering his knuckleheaded, reckless friend and rival didn't do anything different than what he normally does. But this time, Gai's recklessness pisses him off._

"_Are you still in pain?" Kakashi asks his friend._

_Gai chuckles nervously, probably sensing Kakashi's furious aura. "A tiny bit, nothing Maito Gai cannot handle."_

_This statement only serves to piss Kakashi off even more. He turns to his friend. "Good." He then punches him square in the face causing the man to fall against the wall._

"_Ouch," Gai exclaims, cupping his jaw with his hand. "What was that for?"_

_Kakashi doesn't answer him. "Are you trying to kill yourself?" The green clad ninja looks on in confusion. "The seventh gate, really? You went all the way to the seventh gate?"_

_Kakashi walks further into the apartment, still not really sure why exactly he is so angry. Gai follows him slowly. "I was trying to protect my comrades, Kakashi, you know the drill and how missions go." He doesn't raise his voice but Kakashi can still tell he has angered the taijutsu specialist._

_The Sharingan user clenches his jaw and tries not to yell. "You had to spend a week in the hospital."_

"_All in the name of saving my comrades' lives," Gai says, as if it's no big deal. His face then softens. "Kakashi, you know just as well as I do that ninja die on missions all the time."_

"_You don't have to be one of them," Kakashi stubbornly mumbles._

"_I might have to be." This prompts Kakashi to look Gai in the eyes. "If it means protecting people that are precious to me, then I just might have to." He lets that statement sink in before shortly continuing. "Like you, Kakashi, I would gladly die if it meant protecting you and allowing you to live."_

_Even with those words Kakashi still can't seem to stop being angry. He doesn't want anyone to sacrifice themselves for him. All of a sudden Kakashi steps close to Gai, feeling the rage boil inside his chest. He yanks down his mask and before he even gives it a thought, he's kissing Gai's lips hard, all within seconds. He pulls away and sets his mask back into place just as fast. The look on Gai's face is made of pure shock but Kakashi turns away before he has the chance to study it more. "That's your promise to me that you won't open the eighth gate."_

_Gai seems to snap out of his trance. "I can't promise that Kakashi. If it comes down to it, I will open it. All I _can_ promise is that I'll try not to open the last gate."_

_Kakashi wants to continue being mad at Gai, he really does, but he knows his friend is right and that Kakashi is being hypocritical, since Kakashi would die for his teammates as well. He sighs reluctantly, allowing the argument to prematurely die out. "Yeah, I know."_

_Silence falls on the two shinobi, both not really sure what to say. After what seems like minutes, Gai breaks the silence. "So, um, Kakashi my rival," He sounds hesitant as he walks to Kakashi's couch but doesn't sit down. The Sharingan user watches him. "was that kiss _only_ a promise?" He emphasizes the word only._

_Kakashi looks at him for a few seconds then says, "Yes."_

_The taijutsu specialist turns his head, looks at the floor, and scratches his cheek bone with his index finger nervously. "Oh, I see."_

_Gai looks extremely uncomfortable and just a little disappointed. Kakashi watches his friend for a few more seconds, having an internal battle with himself, before coming to a conclusion to just go with the flow. He sighs internally before once again stepping close to Gai. He pulls his mask down one more time and, this time, gently presses his lips to Gai's lips. He half expects Gai to pull away but he doesn't and Kakashi is actually quite surprised. When Kakashi pulls away, he eyes Gai slowly. He can't help but notice the deep red tint on his friend's cheeks. It's rare for Gai to blush from anything other than working out, so Kakashi enjoys it while he can. "That isn't for a promise."_

_Gai's eyes grow impossibly wider, his cheeks becoming an even deeper red. "W-What?"_

_Kakashi resists rolling his eyes. "You're not going to have me explain what a kiss means are you?"_

_Gai swallows and shifts his weight. "N-No, of course not." He's not looking Kakashi in the eyes and it annoys him. "But now what? I mean you're not one for relationships."_

"_Who says we need to be in a relationship?" Kakashi asks. _

"_I… I guess we don't." He scratches his cheek again. Somehow, Kakashi thinks Gai doesn't believe that one bit. "What do you want to do now?"_

_Since Gai has yet to run away, Kakashi takes it as a good sign and ignores the relationship subject. The Sharingan user grabs his friend by the lapels of the jump suit. "I want you to kiss me."_

_Gai's eyes grow wide again but just as quickly they fall half closed and glaze over. He grabs Kakashi's shoulder with his left hand and the back of his neck with his right. Gai roughly pulls Kakashi forward and crashes their lips together. Kakashi grunts from the force Gai uses and grabs a hold of Gai's neck as well. He hears Gai moan into the kiss then he feels the man's wet tongue probing Kakashi's bottom lip. Being the ever compliant one — at least with Gai for the most part — he opens his mouth and allows it to enter._

_Gai is merciless when it comes to exploring the inside of Kakashi's mouth. Their tongues dance together in synch, each battling one another. Kakashi wonders how Gai, of all people, can be such a good kisser. Has he had a lot of practice? Secretly, deep sown, Kakashi hopes not. He doesn't want anyone, man or woman, to have ever touched his friend's lips. It's selfish and very possessive but he doesn't care. Gai is so good at kissing, that it causes Kakashi to be a little self conscious. Unlike popular belief, Kakashi really doesn't have that much practice in the art of kissing. He's only had sex five times since he's turned sixteen, twice of which has been with men; once as top and once as bottom. But those five times were mostly due to the fact that he was a horny teenager. Now he wonders if Gai had a hormonal stage like he did — they never talked about it but the likelihood is great since all teenagers go through this stage sometime in their lives — and if he is enjoying Kakashi's kiss as much as Kakashi is enjoying his._

_Kakashi shifts his body, multiple thoughts going through his head and making him second guess doing this. But then, in his shifting, his hips bump into Gai's and he can feel just how turned on the man is, those green body suits being thin._

_Gai groans from the contact and this seems to be enough to make him stop kissing his self proclaimed rival. He pulls away taking a giant step backwards, and stares at the man in front of him. His green suit does nothing to hide the growing problem in his pants. "What are we doing?"_

_Kakashi doesn't answer right away, his own self doubts growing by the minute. What exactly are they doing? Just by the way Gai mentioned a relationship tells Kakashi that his friend won't settle for less and just accept a one off. No, Gai wants a full blown, going on cliché dates, kind of relationship. Which brings the Sharingan user to his next thought; has his friend ever been in a relationship before? He's never told Kakashi that he has been but surely the man isn't still a virgin. So would that mean Gai has had other relationships and just didn't tell Kakashi — which he highly doubts since that is definitely something Gai would have told him — or has he had other one night stands — which is more plausible — and just doesn't want that when it comes to Kakashi? Problem is Gai was correct when he said Kakashi doesn't do relationships, it's just not his style._

_But would it be so bad to be in a relationship with Gai? Kakashi, believe it or not, likes spending time with the rambunctious man. Additionally, he has been Kakashi's constant friend even if minutes before they established that might not always be. But for now, he still is that constant presence in his life. Just because they enter into a relationship of sorts doesn't mean things need to change. Kakashi is almost positive that if he asks Gai not to make a big deal of it and definitely no dates, that the taijutsu specialist would respect his wishes. Plus there's the sex. So again, would it be so bad? Somehow, Kakashi doesn't think so._

_Kakashi is so deep in thought that he doesn't realize how long of a pause spread between them until he hears Gai's voice. "Maybe I should go."_

"_Wait, Gai." He halts him before the man even has a chance to take five steps. His friend looks back at him warily. "Don't leave." Gai opens his mouth to say something but Kakashi cuts him off. "Look Gai, maybe you're right, I'm not that into relationships, but maybe… maybe I'm willing to try with you." He doesn't look Gai in the eyes and feels his cheeks heat up in treachery._

"_K-Kakashi." The man sounds like he's about to cry and when the Sharingan user finally looks at Gai, lo and behold; there are tears in his eyes. Gai grabs a hold of Kakashi and hugs him tight enough for a few bones to crack. "This is the greatest day ever; besides the day you finally became my rival and I got my precious, adorable students."_

_Kakashi groans inwardly at himself. What is wrong with him? Kakashi has been acting strange lately and not like himself. Is it really because Gai had to spend a week in the hospital? "Gai," The taijutsu user hums in response. "let go of me."_

"_Oh," Gai abruptly lets him go. "Sorry my rival."_

"_There's conditions to us… having a… um… relationship." It sounds weird to Kakashi. He makes sure Gai is listening intently before continuing. "You can't make a big deal out of this. I don't want anything to change besides obviously having sex-"_

_Gai cuts him off briefly. "And no more one night stands while on a mission."_

_Kakashi wonders how many of those his friend has had. Is it more or less than Kakashi's measly five? "Right. That means no holding hands, no flowers or chocolates, no gifts in general actually, PDA at its very minimum," Gai looks happy that the Sharingan user didn't rule it out completely. "and definitely no dates."_

"_Oh come on Kakashi," Gai begins to protest, in which Kakashi expected. "Can't we go on at least one date once a week?"_

_Kakashi sighs. "Make it once a month."_

_Gai gives his signature thumbs up. "Deal." Silence falls upon them again for half a minute before Gai speaks on, more hesitantly this time. "So, Kakashi, besides not having any more youthful sex while on a mission and the date once a month, we were kind of in the beginning stages of the third exception that will change between us. Do you… maybe…" The man goes back to scratching his cheek. "want to continue?"_

_Kakashi can't help but smile at that. He walks up to Gai, his friend, his now lover Kakashi supposes, all the while watching Gai watch him intently. "Gai, I thought you would never ask." It's cliché but for some reason Kakashi feels like being a little weird and not his normal self. He nudges his friend — because to him, Gai will always be a friend before a lover — slightly, causing the man to look at him in confusion. "To the bedroom Gai, we're not going to have sex on my couch." The taijutsu specialist nods once and then turns around, making his way to the bedroom. Once inside the room, both the men discard themselves of their vests, throwing them on the floor. Before Kakashi's friend has a chance to get on the bed, he stops him. "Gai, before we do this I want to know something." Gai looks at Kakashi questioningly. "You have had sex with a man before right?"_

_Gai chuckles nervously. "Once."_

"_Top or bottom?" He asks for confirmation._

"_Bottom but," Gai answers. "it really wasn't that pleasant."_

_They both look at each other for a little while, Kakashi wondering what exactly happened to cause the man discomfort. At least that answers who will be in what role. The Sharingan user walks up to the bed and lies down. "I'll bottom this time but I'm going to eventually get you to like it too."_

"_Are you sure?" He sounds hesitant. "I mean, I've never pictured you as a…" He trails off but Kakashi knows what he is referring to, however, that isn't what gets his attention. Apparently Gai has imagined Kakashi having sex with him. It makes the Sharingan user smirk and he knows the exact time Gai realizes his mistake as soon as the man blushes. "N-Not that I've actually thought of it, just… you don't seem the type." He clears his throat._

_Gai's awkwardness only causes Kakashi to smile wider. "Just get over here, Gai. I actually like being the one to 'take it' quite a bit." His friend splutters, probably enjoying the new images that flash through his mind._

_Gai goes to the bed and crawls over the prone form of his friend. He leans over, taking care not to put all his body weight on Kakashi since his muscle mass makes him heavier than Kakashi, and kisses him. The Sharingan user kisses back eagerly, this time being the one to initiate the tongue wrestling. Eventually the kiss becomes more heated and the both of them begin to peel clothes off. First comes Kakashi's headband and Gai's ridiculous orange leg warmers. Next is Kakashi's shirt, Gai dragging his hands up the man's chest — making sure to brush both nipples — and bunching Kakashi's shirt at his neck before pulling it off. The Sharingan user can't help but think Gai is pretty skilled. Just how many times has he had sex?_

_When Kakashi is discarded of his shirt, Gai reaches behind himself and unzips his jump suit. He pulls the whole thing off since it's a one piece, and leaves the taijutsu user in his black boxer briefs. Kakashi would have expected Gai's underwear to be green if he hadn't seen Gai down to just underwear in the bath house before. He eyes his friend up and down as the man undresses Kakashi of his pants. Gai really is pretty muscular. Kakashi can hardly wait to get his tongue all over it but that will have to wait. For today, Gai will be the one to do everything to Kakashi._

_Gai eyes Kakashi up and down next and makes the man beneath him squirm and blush. Moving causes Kakashi to finally notice how hard he is. He's sure Gai can see it perfectly, after all, there's no hiding Gai's hard member either. The man above Kakashi lies back down and allows their bare chests to rub against each other. Even with Kakashi's slightly toned chest, he can feel every muscle on Gai. He likes it but not necessarily the looks or feel but more the fact that he knows how hard his friend worked to get them._

_The next thing he knows, his mouth is released and his neck becomes occupied by wet, hot kisses, sucks, licks, and bites. His breath hitches when a moist tongue is dragged across his left ear and then the lobe being sucked on. But Gai, unfortunately, doesn't spend much time there, instead opting to move lower and attach his lips to one of Kakashi's nipples. Gai uses the flat of his tongue to lap at the nub, causing the thing to harden immediately. He goes from licking to sucking to back to licking. Kakashi moans in pleasure and his breath starts to get deeper and faster. Satisfied with the sound he produced from his friend, Gai moves on to the other nipple, giving that one the same treatment as the other. Kakashi squirms some more, enjoying the sensations that his mind is firing off._

_When Gai is pleased with what he's done to his long time rival, the taijutsu specialist begins to journey downwards, venturing to his navel. The man nibbles around it before dipping his tongue in. Before long, Gai continues down, reaching the waist of Kakashi's boxers. His friend licks along it, tongue just barely going under the elastic. Then Gai pulls the waist down just enough to expose some hair and drags his tongue along in the same fashion. It makes the Sharingan user gasp and Gai smiles._

_The man moves past the boxers, allowing the elastic to snap back into place — which also causes Kakashi to gasp — and moves to his inner thigh. Gai sucks the muscle there, dangerously close to Kakashi's waiting groin. He wishes Gai would hurry up because he really wants to know what his mouth feels like around his cock. If the way the man's tongue feels like everywhere else was any indicator, Kakashi suspects it'll be amazing. Gai, at one point, starts at the base of Kakashi's knee and licks all the way up to his inner thigh, dipping into the boxers the slightest bit. Kakashi never would have guessed Gai would be this good. Does he really have more experience than the Sharingan user?_

_Kakashi snaps out of his thoughts when he feels fingers peeling away his boxers that are wet from precome. Despite his stoicism, Kakashi pants in anticipation, watching as Gai hovers his face over his throbbing member. When Gai licks the tip, Kakashi moans loudly. He sees Gai's face split into a shit eating grin before engulfing his friend's cock with that sweet, warm, wet mouth. "G-Gai." He can't help it, his name just slips out. The man smiles smugly again around what is in his mouth before starting to bob his head up and down. Kakashi is panting heavily and wishes he could thrust up into his friend's mouth but said man is holding his hips down. He has Kakashi wiggling and withering under him from pleasure. When did Gai get so good at blow jobs? Maybe the man he had previously slept with had him give oral sex but can you get this good by only doing it once? Kakashi is skeptical._

_After a few more bobs, Gai, to Kakashi's displeasure, pulls off his dick. "You have any lube?"_

_The Sharingan user points to his side table. "In the drawer."_

_Gai opens the drawer and reaches in, grabbing the tube and pulling it out. He opens the cap and coats his fingers with the gel generously. The man positions his middle finger at his friend's entrance. "Ready?" Gai asks for confirmation. Kakashi nods once and then groans loudly as he feels the intrusion. It doesn't hurt because Gai put on more than enough lubrication, but it does feel weird. However, it only takes a few seconds before he's starting to feel pleasure and allowing Gai to insert a second finger. After not too long, Kakashi has three fingers up his ass._

_It feels extremely good and Kakashi can no longer stop the moans and gasps of pleasure, especially when his friend brushes his prostates. Despite all the sensations, the Sharingan user still can't help but wonder how exactly Gai got so good with a man. He certainly couldn't have gotten the skill by being a bottom only once and never top. It could be a possibility still and his friend just remembers what the other guy did to him but Gai had said that his experience was unpleasant, so could Gai really have learned this well from that one encounter? Kakashi doesn't think so but maybe he could have. Kakashi questions in his head whether Gai could have lied to him though he can't see Maito Gai doing that to him. But if it is true, maybe Gai lied about how many male sexual partners he's had. He wonders if the taijutsu specialist doesn't tell him everything as Kakashi initially thought. Does he keep things from the Sharingan user? Kakashi doubts it because he knows his friend but does he know him as well as he thinks he does? Does Maito Gai have deep dark secrets that only he himself know? With Gai's personality it's hard to imagine but not impossible. But still, would he lie, especially to Kakashi? If he were to ask, he has a sinking feeling that he wouldn't get a straight or truthful answer. Maybe that should be evidence enough._

_Kakashi shakes his head to clear it of the thoughts. "Am I hurting you?"_

"_No, not at all," He answers and his friend continues to prepare him. The Sharingan user begins to drown in the sensations coursing through his body once again, slowly but surely pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind. Before they all disappear, however, one more pops up. Maybe Gai isn't as perfect as some — mostly Lee — make him out to be. He still has his flaws and mistakes. Gai is still just as human as everyone else. So, if he does lie and keep secrets, Kakashi supposes it's no different than anyone else, specifically himself, and really shouldn't judge. He just hopes having a relationship with the man comes with less secrets and lies._

_Gai removes his fingers and opens the cap of the lubrication with a pop again. He then takes off his boxer briefs with one hand, the other still holding the bottle, and then squirts some of the shiny gel on the palm of his hand. Kakashi watches as Gai rubs the gel on his member, making the taut flesh shine. Once Gai deems his cock slippery enough, he hovers over Kakashi. He lifts the Sharingan user's legs up so Kakashi can wrap them around Gai's waist, locking his ankles together. Gai lines himself up at Kakashi's entrance. "You ready?" Kakashi nods his answer and soon he feels pressure from his friend's dick pushing into him. Both of them moan at the same time and when Gai stops pushing once he's all in, Kakashi can't stop panting._

_It feels amazing and he doesn't like how long it is taking the man to move. To get Gai to begin, Kakashi wiggles his hips. Gai seems to get the message and begins a slow and steady pace of thrusts. It's not fast enough or hard enough for the Sharingan user but he decides to enjoy it for now. Besides, with the way Gai's eyes are glazed over, Kakashi suspects his friend is enjoying the pace in which he set. He lets this go on for quite awhile, enjoying not only the little pleasurable sensations but also the sight in front of him, before he starts getting impatient. "Gai," The said man stops every motion and looks down at the man beneath him in question. Kakashi sits up the best he can and places his hands on the man's shoulders. He then roughly pushes, turning them both over so the Sharingan user is sitting in the lap of the taijutsu user, cock still in his ass. Kakashi leans down so he can whisper in Gai's ear. "Let me ride you." Sitting up, he lifts his hips up and slams back down without any warning, causing both to moan loudly._

_Kakashi sets a rough pace, liking the way Gai thrusts up every time Kakashi comes down. By this time, both men are panting heavily and moaning each other's names in a mantra. Tiny droplets of sweat are beading on their skin, soaking the sheets and Kakashi's dripping onto Gai's chest. Gai feels so good that Kakashi never wants this to end but then again, he's also aching for release. "Gai," He only receives a groan as an answer. "Gai, please, make me come." Kakashi isn't normally one for begging but he's desperate. Gai flips them over again so he's back on top — Kakashi wrapping his legs around Gai's waist and locking his ankles together again — and begins thrusting in and out at a faster pace than was done before. "Ahh!" Kakashi yells when he feels his prostate get hit. He continues to hit the little nub with every thrust. Gai leans down and begins to kiss Kakashi in a not so gentle way but Kakashi doesn't really care, he's too lost in all the overwhelming feelings and not all being physical._

_Kakashi doesn't know when or how it happened, but sometime, somehow he began to form an attraction to the man who has always been around. In the beginning, he thought the man was annoying but that eventually formed into a friendship and then apparently more. He tries to think back to when these feelings first appeared but he can't pinpoint an exact time. The only explanation he can think of is a gradual building of romantic feelings, so gradual that he didn't know he even had them until it was too late. Kakashi almost laughs at the realization._

"_Kakashi," Gai moans and to Kakashi, it sounds like the man is close to coming undone. Kakashi reaches down to begin to stroke himself but his hand comes in contact with Gai's as he decides to do the same. "Oh, sorry," Gai says, sounding a bit shy. Kakashi chuckles and grabs a hold of Gai's hand, guiding it to his throbbing member. He encourages Gai to close his fist around it and the man does, beginning to pump it in motion with his thrusts. Kakashi moans in pleasure and withdraws his own hand._

_Gai continues at a steady, hard, and fast pace, bringing both of them gradually to completion. Kakashi can feel it building and building, all to the point where the Sharingan user can't take much more. "Ahh!" He reaches his climax blindingly, white, translucent, sticky liquid spurting onto his chest and coating Gai's hand that is milking him. Not too soon after, his friend is following suit with his own orgasm. Kakashi can feel the come inside him and can't help but moan._

_The taijutsu specialist takes a few seconds to calm down and pull himself out. Kakashi squirms from the over stimulation while Gai collapses beside him with a very content sigh. They lie there in silence for a little while, allowing the Sharingan user to mull over things, like for example, when Gai started forming feelings for him. Kakashi might not entirely know when exactly he started to fall for the green clad ninja but the least he can figure out is when Gai himself did. "Gai, how long have you liked me?"_

_Gai chuckles. "First off, it's not 'like' you, it's love you, and second," He inhales a deep breath. "a long time," he sighs out the words. His eyes then grow wide. "Oh, that's not too soon is it?"_

_Though quite stunned at first, Kakashi manages a smile as reassurance. "N-No, it's fine Gai." It's not the answer Kakashi was expecting, but he decides to take it anyway. Gai smiles sweetly at him and the Sharingan user turns to look at the ceiling, his cheeks being traitors again with the blush they show. "Just don't expect-"_

_Gai cuts him off. "You to tell me that you love me, I know Kakashi. I know you too well to know you wouldn't say it yet this soon." He gets a determined look on his face. "I will get you to say it eventually though my loving rival." Kakashi smiles at that._

"_Hey, Gai-kun," In this situation, Kakashi uses the kun honorific in order to be cute and sweet. That's normally how he uses it when it comes to his long time friend. He would always add the honorific if he was trying to be apologetic, cute, and or sweet. A lot of the time it's all three. It works perfectly because it draws in Gai's full attention, the man looking slightly confused on the use of the kun. "thanks… for loving me."_

_Gai's eyes soften and close half way. He has a small, loving smile. "Always Kakashi."_

Kakashi punches the stone memorial and bows his head. He closes his exposed eye, squeezing it shut to try and keep the emotions in check. Gai never did succeed in getting Kakashi to tell him that he loves him. He tried on multiple occasions but Kakashi always found it amusing seeing his lover try so he held strong and never said it. Truth is, Kakashi loves… loved… no still loves, Gai with all his heart and now he regrets not saying those three words to him. He didn't even say 'I love you' to Gai when he suggested opening the eighth gate or just before he went to play out his suicidal plan. Maybe if he had said it, Gai wouldn't have opened the last gate and Kakashi wouldn't have had to lose someone else, especially to suicide. First his father, and then Obito, or so he thought, with the young Uchiha saving him even though he knew he would get hit, then Rin when she purposely ran into Kakashi's Raikiri, Minato-sensei decided to die by sealing the Kyuubi into his son, and now Gai decided to die by opening the eighth gate. Who is going to be the next person in Kakashi's life to commit suicide; Naruto, Sakura, even Sasuke now that he's back? Hell, he wouldn't even want Sai to kill himself even though he hasn't had much interaction with the kid but he's still part of Team Kakashi. He doesn't want to think about losing them. Damn it, why didn't he just tell Gai that he loves him?

Though it probably wouldn't have made a difference. Gai would have just smiled, given a thumbs up, said something like 'I know', and went along with opening the gate of death anyway. Kakashi pulls his fist back and punches the stone again, this time harder. He feels the skin on his knuckles crack and begin to bleed. The Sharingan user doesn't mind though, in fact, he welcomes the pain. It's better than the ache he is feeling in his chest. He wants nothing more than to bury the pain he feels there but for some reason it's not as easy as it was back in the day. Maybe because Gai was always the one to help him get through stuff like this. He wishes he was here now.

_Kakashi watches as Gai opens the last gate and charges Madara. He can feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest and the ache that has appeared keeps getting bigger and stronger as he stands there. He's amazed at how much stronger Gai has become by opening the gate but at the same time he doesn't want his lover to do this. He doesn't want to lose him; he doesn't want Gai to die._

_He has to stop himself from rushing out and either backing up his friend or stopping him. He's not really sure which one he would have done if he did go out there but Kakashi likes to think he would stop him. Either way he doesn't do anything. Kakashi knows that if he went out there he would only get in the way and possibly die himself. He doesn't really care if he dies but there's no way he would put Gai through that. So he watches and tries to ignore the nagging pain in his chest._

_He naïvely hopes that by some miracle Gai will be okay and live out of this. For a split second he convinces himself of this but then reality sinks in. Gai is going to die and there is absolutely nothing he can do about it. Nothing at all. Kakashi is finally going to lose his last friend from his childhood._

_The Sharingan user starts to hyperventilate with panic. He can't lose him, not Gai, not the last person from his childhood whom he cares deeply about. He doesn't know if he can handle that. Kakashi looks over to Lee. How is he taking this better than the Sharingan user? Gai is his idol. Is Kakashi really that pathetic? He tries to keep his breathing under control, finally calming it down._

_A gush of wind blasts from the direction the fighting is coming from. Kakashi shields his eyes with the crook of his elbow but continues to watch. Gai is glowing red as if flames have engulfed his body. Despite the circumstances, Kakashi can't help but admire Gai's strength. He truly is strong. Stronger than Kakashi even and it absolutely amazes the Sharingan user. He should have known this would come to be by what his father had told him all those years ago. "Kakashi, don't let your guard down just because you entered the academy. At this rate that boy will become stronger than you." Yes, he's stronger than Kakashi at this moment and so many other times he's been stronger too. "You should remember his name. He'll become a good rival." Sakumo, his father, was right all along. Gai is a great rival, friend, and lover. Kakashi is glad he let the man into his life._

_The Sharingan user feels his eyes begin to sting but he refuses to let any tears fall, not when he is on the battle field in the middle of fighting. Besides, Gai wouldn't want that and he's also Hatake Kakashi, he doesn't cry, not anymore._

_Kakashi sees Gai do his last attack, flinging Madara quite a ways but also falling away himself. The Sharingan user's heart skips a beat when he sees Gai just lying there once the cloud of dirt dissipates. Is Gai dead? He takes a step forward but then hesitates when Madara reappears, looking worse for wear. Gai did a pretty good number on him. Kakashi's fear flares and he takes another step to his friend, fully preparing to go to him and get him out of there whether he's dead or alive. But before he has a chance, Madara shoots another Gudoudama at Gai. Kakashi doesn't get there in time. No one gets there in time._

Kakashi snaps himself out of the memory, not wanting to remember the last time he saw his lover. He already has enough nightmares of the scene as it is. He still has his head bent and eye squeezed shut. The Sharingan user never cries anymore, so why are there tears rolling down the little bit of cheek that people can see and dripping to the ground? Kakashi lowers the shaking and bloody hand he used to punch the memorial to his side. He uses the other hand to try and wipe away the tears but it's useless due to the fact more just replace the ones he gets rid of. He misses Gai so bad and he doesn't know how to deal with the pain of losing him. The man was so integrated into Kakashi's daily routine that he doesn't know what to do with himself. He still half expects Gai to jump out at any moment and challenge him to something ridiculous. He never thought he would miss that.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Kakashi hears a familiar voice.

He discreetly wipes the tears away and then turns around, plastering a fake smile on his face even though it's hidden by the mask he wears. "Hello Lee."

Lee holds up flowers. "I came to visit Neji and Gai-sensei."

Kakashi keeps the smile up. "I'm sure they would like that."

Lee walks up beside Kakashi, bows to the memorial with his eyes closed in prayer, and then places the flowers down, standing back up. "Oh, your hand is bleeding. Would you like me to wrap it for you?" The question reminds him of Gai and he's saying yes before he even knows what he is agreeing to. "Let's sit down." They both sit and Lee reaches behind himself to grab his bandages out of his pouch. Once he's got them he takes Kakashi's glove off and analyzes his hand. "It looks like you punched something."

Kakashi chuckles and scratches behind his neck with the hand that isn't being held. "That's because I did."

Lee looks at him, a little startled. "What did you punch?"

"Ahh, nothing important," he answers, trying to ignore the familiarity of the situation. It really doesn't help that Lee dresses and acts just like Gai.

Lee continues to wrap up Kakashi's hand, seemingly deep in thought until he speaks again. "I miss them a lot, Neji and Gai-sensei that is. I've vowed to visit them every day, whether it is here or at their actual grave sites."

"Be careful Lee, if you start doing that it'll become a habit and you'll start being late to things," Kakashi warns, holding back a small smile.

Lee looks at him. "But isn't that what you do, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi can't help but chuckle this time around. "My point exactly."

The young taijutsu specialist looks confused but continues anyway. "I would never be late; Gai-sensei wouldn't want that." He pauses for a while, neither of them saying anything. Then Lee breaks the silence, letting go of Kakashi's hand. "You miss him a lot too, don't you Kakashi-sensei?" Kakashi doesn't answer, doesn't really want to give it. This, however, doesn't satisfy the younger duplicate of his late friend. "I mean, you two were rivals, friends… lovers." The Sharingan user's head snaps up at that. "Gai-sensei didn't tell me or the others, I just guessed by how you two always acted."

Kakashi didn't think Lee was observant enough to see anything and come up with such a conclusion. Plus, they didn't do any PDA so how could the way they acted given anything away? "We weren't hiding it, we just didn't want to make a big deal of it."

"You mean _you_ didn't want it to be a big deal." This takes Kakashi by surprise. "Which is fine, nothing wrong with that, but you and I both know that if it were up to Gai-sensei he would have made sure the whole village knew."

He should have known Lee would know Gai just as well as Kakashi knew him. Kakashi gives the kid a small smile. "Yeah, you're right."

Lee studies him and Kakashi only stares back, trying to keep the sadness out of his facial features. He doesn't do such a great job. "It'll get better." Lee stands but Kakashi continues to sit. "Gai-sensei wouldn't want you to stay sad forever." That's easier said than done though. "I better get going, I told TenTen we can train together today and I don't want to be late." He gives Kakashi a thumb up and a bright smile. It reminds the Sharingan user of Gai so much that he feels like crying again. "Maybe I'll run into you here again. See you later Kakashi-sensei." Lee jogs off in the direction of the training grounds.

Kakashi gets up once Lee is out of sight, looks at the memorial stone one last time, then walks away. He wants to distract himself but really doesn't know how. He could always read but he's not sure if he will be able to focus on the material. In his pondering of what to do, he walks past Ichiraku Ramen and hears a familiar voice. He decides to go in. Ultimately, what better distraction than the number one unpredictable ninja? "Yo, Naruto." He puts up a cheerful front and sits down next to the blond.

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto says, just as cheerful except there's something underneath it. As if the blond is trying his best at hiding how much he is suffering from all that he has lost. "Are you here to eat some ramen?"

He nods. "I suppose I am." He orders a bowl of ramen. "What have you been up to today?" He's really not that interested but he wants to think about anything other than the dead for once.

Naruto doesn't seem to notice and smiles wide — the smile being fake, of course. "I trained for a little while but then I got hungry so I went and got some ramen from here, then," Kakashi's bowl is placed in front of him. "I tried to go visit Sasuke in isolation but he's still not allowed visitors." The Sharingan user refrains from mentioning that's precisely why it is called isolation. Instead, he grabs some chopsticks, unwraps them, and pulls them apart. "So then I thought I would go visit Sakura-chan but she was busy at the hospital so she couldn't hangout. After that I went to see Sai. For some reason he wanted to paint me so I let him because I had nothing else to do, though it made me kind of uncomfortable. Once he was done, I came back here." Naruto gulps some more noodles.

"Sounds like you've had a busy day," Kakashi comments.

"Yep," Naruto announces between bites. "What about you, Sensei?"

He stirs his soup a little. "Hmm, nothing much."

The blond continues. "Well I was thinking of training some more after I…" Kakashi zones Naruto out as he lifts some noodles up. His mind is drifting to Gai despite the boy beside him. It was his turn to buy Gai dinner and he was going to trick the man into some place cheap like Ichiraku. "Kakashi-sensei?"

He can hear the concern in his former student's voice and it snaps him out of his thoughts. "Hmm?"

"Are… you okay? You looked like you spaced out there." That's when Kakashi notices that he still has the noodles suspended from his chopsticks halfway to his mask covered mouth. "And you look kind of sad."

Kakashi stares at the noodles his chopsticks are holding. "Sorry Naruto, I kind of lost my appetite. You can have my bowl." Kakashi pushes the bowl toward the blond and then pulls out some money. Placing the bills on the counter, he walks away, ignoring Naruto's concerned call.

Kakashi continues to walk the road aimlessly, not really knowing where to go but not wanting to go home either. "Kakashi-sensei!" The Sharingan user stops dead in his tracks and turns around to see a blond boy coming his way. He sighs. Once Naruto catches up he says, "Let's hang out together. Where are you going?"

He knows perfectly well why Naruto wants to spend time with him — to make sure he's okay — but he plays along anyway. "Hmm, nowhere in particular."

"Okay, cool, let's walk together." Naruto seems very enthusiastic. "Let's even get Sakura-chan to join; she should be almost done with her shift by now. It'll be like old times just still without Sasuke." So he's going to recruit Sakura too. He follows the blond as Naruto starts making his way to the hospital. When they get to the building, Naruto leaves him waiting outside while he goes in to get Sakura. He waits for about ten minutes, no doubt due to Naruto trying to convince the pink haired kunoichi to come along, before he walks out with a very concerned looking female shinobi. Naruto probably worried her about Kakashi's somber mood.

She quickly puts up a front. "Good afternoon Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi smiles at her. "Hello Sakura."

"Come on," Naruto butts in. "let's walk."

And so they do with no real destination in mind. Naruto and Sakura chat, once and awhile asking for Kakashi's opinion. The blond was right. It's like old times of when they both were still genin and the Sharingan user was their guide into full fledge shinobi-hood. That is until Sasuke left, and then Naruto, then finally Sakura. He had felt pathetic and like a loser at the time but Gai, of course, helped him through it. Thinking now about every single one of his students leaving him — though proud of them — only serves to make him feel like a failure, especially since he failed at saving Gai and everyone else he cared for. How much longer is he going to fail at everything?

Kakashi, once again, loses himself in his thoughts, drowning out the voices of the two people walking with him. It's easy because it has become a habit but now it's working against him. He snaps out of it though when they stop walking and the Sharingan user finds himself at one of the training grounds.

"Look," Sakura's voice says. "Lee is training."

Kakashi knows he shouldn't look but he does anyways. There, in the middle of the training field his late lover frequented, is none other than Rock Lee himself. Kakashi's mind is quick to supply him a memory of when he and Gai were that young training together. Gai would be punching, kicking away, and sweating profusely all the while setting ridiculous goals. Lee looks exactly like that now. Kakashi feels ill. He swallows then speaks. "Let's keep walking."

His two students look at him with deep concern. "Are you okay, Kakashi-sensei? You don't look so good and you're starting to sweat a lot."

He knows that. He also knows his heart is beating rapidly, he's shaking, starting to hyperventilate, and tears are stinging his eyes. Kakashi tries to calm his breathing by taking slow breaths. The last thing he wants to happen is for him to have a panic attack. "I'm fine, I just-" His voice hitches and he can feel the panic in his chest rising.

"Sensei?" Sakura's voice just barely breaks through the pounding in his ears. Unfortunately for Kakashi's ego and stoicism, avoiding a panic attack doesn't seem likely.

He has to get out of there and somewhere no one will see him losing control of himself, especially since Hatake Kakashi, the copy ninja, never loses control. To avoid any witnesses, Kakashi takes off into the woods without warning, running away from his two students. Both Naruto and Sakura follow, however, and soon Kakashi is collapsing to the ground because he can't breathe from the hyperventilating. Tears stream out of his eye and fall to the ground. He feels like he can't breathe and he's gasping, his eye squeezed shut even though it does nothing to stop the tears from slipping out.

"Sakura-chan, is he okay?" Naruto asks.

"I think he's having a panic attack," she answers, sounding kind of shocked and just a little amazed. She probably never expected her sensei, the one that always acts calm and collected, to have such a breakdown. Kakashi wonders if when this is done, if she'll think any less of him. "Sensei, I need you to try and breath calmly." If he could, Kakashi would have laughed at how easy the pink haired girl made that sound. "Just breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth."

He's starting to feel dizzy so he tries to do as Sakura is advising. It takes him about five minutes to actually stop the hyperventilating but he's still crying, to his dismay. He falls back and hugs his knees to his chest, wresting his forehead on them. He feels like some child and quite pathetic. Hatake Kakashi is supposed to be better than this. The Sharingan user is humiliated. "Kakashi-sensei," It's Naruto who speaks this time. "are you okay?" All he manages is a tiny nod. He doesn't look at either of them because he doesn't want to see their concern, so he keeps his head buried in his knees. "Sakura-chan?"

There's silence for a few seconds, as if the two teens witnessing his embarrassing display of hysterical panic are communicating with each other silently. But soon Sakura breaks that silence. "Do you want to talk about it?"

The last thing Kakashi wants to do is talk about his emotional problems with his two former students. He wipes his eye and stands up. "Thanks Sakura, Naruto, but I'm okay now." Kakashi smiles at them.

"Sensei, you really should talk about what is bothering you." Sakura lets the concern in her voice be clear.

Kakashi has a problem with life overall but he won't be telling them that. "I'll be going now." He continues to smile. "See you later." Kakashi disappears in a cloud of smoke, trying to ignore the worry on both faces.

Somehow, even with the sun setting, the Sharingan user finds himself back at the memorial. He stares at it for a long time before he gets the courage to speak. "I love you. I never told you and I regret it so much, but I do love you and I hope you know that. I feel so damn guilty because I don't know if you know… knew that." Gai always said he knew Kakashi loved him even if the man never said it, but that doesn't stem Kakashi's guilt. All he can hope now is that Gai was telling the truth but he imagines he disappointed Gai by never saying it. Kakashi sits down and feels the warmth of the day disappear. His mind wonders to the words Lee told him earlier. "Hey Gai-kun, do you think it'll get better?"

He can almost hear Gai's response and see the brilliant smile and thumb up. "Of course, it will my rival, you can count on it."

"I love you and I'm so sorry." Kakashi sits there for the whole night, asking for forgiveness.

**End**

**Thanks for reading. :)**


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